Managing Boundaries
Caring for yourself and the other person at the same time. A practical, repeatable way to hold boundaries with clarity and warmth, built on The Living Work.
This is for you if:
You find it hard to say no, and then carry the weight of commitments you never wanted to make.
Your work spills into evenings and weekends, and the line between available and not available has blurred.
You absorb other people's emotions and end up responsible for how they feel.
You give generously, but quietly resent how much is being taken.
You know boundaries would help, but setting them feels harsh or unkind.
You are a leader, founder or carer whose role makes boundaries feel impossible.
Most people who struggle with boundaries are anything but selfish. The work is learning to include yourself in the care you already give.
Why boundaries feel impossible
It is rarely a lack of will. It is that the cost of saying no has always felt higher than the cost of saying yes, and no one ever taught you how to weigh it differently.
We absorb, we accommodate, we stay available, because we care. But over time the cost accumulates: resentment, exhaustion, and a quiet sense that your own life is being lived for everyone else. The boundary is not the problem. The problem is that we never learned to hold one without feeling like we are doing something wrong.
A boundary held with care is not a wall. It is a way of staying close to someone while being honest about what works for you.
How I work with boundaries
The work is built from three parts, blended to fit your situation and the relationships where boundaries matter most.
Understanding
First, we look at where your boundaries are blurred and why, using the foundations of The Living Work to understand the needs beneath the pattern. Clarity comes before change.
Practice
With that understanding, you learn to hold boundaries with care rather than force: how to say no without guilt, make clear requests, and stay connected even when something is hard to hear. This is a skill, and it can be practised.
Integration
We work on embedding the practice into your real life: the meetings, the family, the inbox, the relationships that test it most. As the new pattern holds, the relief is immediate and lasting.
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Integration is where most boundary work fails: the insight is there, but the old pattern returns under pressure. We build the muscle so it holds when it matters.
You leave with a way of holding boundaries that is kind, clear and sustainable, for the people and the work you care about.
How much of each part you need depends on your situation and how deeply the pattern runs. Discovering that mix is part of what the exploratory conversation is for.
A founder could not switch off. Every request felt urgent, every evening was available, and the business was quietly consuming the life it was meant to support. We worked on what was really underneath the pattern, and practised holding a clear, kind line.
Within weeks the evenings came back. The team adapted, the work did not suffer, and the founder finally felt like their own life was their own again.
What working together involves
A confidential exploratory conversation.
One hour, with me. I listen. It is not a pitch, and there is nothing to prepare unless you want to. We get clear on what is happening and whether this is the right fit.
A personal written proposal.
Within 24 hours, you will have a note from me: what I heard, what I propose, the options and the investment.
The engagement.
Typically a blend of 1:1 coaching and skills practice, designed around your situation and the relationships where boundaries matter most. In person, via Zoom, or both.
Confidentiality is absolute at every step, beginning with your very first email or call.
Boundary work is not a one-off insight. The pattern took years to build, and it takes practice to replace. What I ask of you is a willingness to look honestly at what is happening, and to try the new way in real situations, even when it feels uncomfortable.
The relief is often immediate, but the lasting change comes from embedding the practice. That is what the engagement is designed for.
A boundary held with care protects the relationship, not just you.
Boundary coaching is arranged individually: a blend of 1:1 sessions and skills practice.
The investment is confirmed in your written proposal after the exploratory conversation, with the full details and schedule agreed before work begins.
Book a conversation →Frequently asked questions
Is this just about saying no?
No. Saying no is part of it, but the real work is understanding what you are saying yes to when you don't. Boundaries are not walls; they are a way of caring for yourself and the other person at the same time. Done well, they protect the relationship, not just you.
Will this make me seem cold or distant?
The opposite. Most people who struggle with boundaries are anything but cold. The work helps you stay warm and connected while being clear about what works for you. People often feel closer to you afterwards, because they finally know where they stand.
Is this therapy?
No. This is skill-building and coaching in the present, not treatment of the past. It doesn't therapise or pathologise. You leave with a practical, repeatable way of holding boundaries you can use for life.
Do I need to have done Leading with Connection first?
No. Some people come to this after the two-day training, but it is not required. The exploratory conversation is where we work out the right starting point for you.
Do you work outside Sydney?
Yes. I am based in Sydney and the Sunshine Coast and work with people across Australia and internationally. Sessions can run in person, via Zoom, or both.
The boundary you keep avoiding is the one that will set you free.
Book a confidential exploratory conversation with Shari Elle. You will leave that hour clearer, whatever you decide. It begins with one unhurried hour.
Book a confidential exploratory conversation →